A married couple was asleep when the wife suddenly nudged her husband awake at 2 a.m.
“Honey!”
The husband groaned.
“What is it?”
She whispered nervously:
“I think there’s a burglar downstairs.”
Half asleep, he rolled over.
“Call the police.”
Then he pulled the blanket over his shoulder and tried to go back to sleep.
A few minutes later she shook him again.
“Honey… I heard footsteps.”
With a dramatic sigh, the husband climbed out of bed.
He grabbed a baseball bat.
Straightened his shoulders.
And marched downstairs like the star of an action movie.
He searched the kitchen.
Nothing.
Checked the dining room.
Nothing.
Looked in the garage.
Nothing.
After fifteen minutes he returned upstairs.
“Nobody’s there.”
His wife frowned.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
She looked strangely disappointed.
The husband stared at her.
“Why do you seem upset?”
She hesitated.
Then asked:
“You checked every room?”
“Every room.”
“The closets?”
“Yes.”
“The basement?”
“Yes.”
“The laundry room?”
“Yes.”
She sighed.
The husband narrowed his eyes.
“Okay… what’s going on?”
His wife crossed her arms.
Then quietly said:
“Because if there really had been a burglar, you would’ve left me up here alone.”
The husband blinked.
“What?”
“You ran downstairs with the bat.”
“Of course.”
“And left me here.”
Silence.
She continued.
“The burglar could have come upstairs while you were downstairs.”
The husband opened his mouth.
Then closed it.
Because she had a point.
A ridiculous point.
But still a point.
“So what was I supposed to do?”
She smiled.
“Take me with you.”
“You wanted me to fight a burglar while escorting you around the house at 2 a.m.?”
“Exactly.”
The husband laughed.
“You are unbelievable.”
But she wasn’t finished.
A mischievous grin appeared on her face.
“Actually…”
The husband immediately became suspicious.
“Actually what?”
She leaned closer.
“There wasn’t a burglar.”
“I knew it.”
“There were no footsteps.”
“I definitely knew it.”
She smiled even wider.
“I just wanted to see if you still cared enough to get out of bed for me.”
The husband stared at her.
For several seconds.
Then started laughing.
Hard.
The wife looked offended.
“What’s so funny?”
He pointed at her.
“You woke me up at two in the morning for an emotional security test?”
She nodded proudly.
“Yes.”
The husband shook his head.
Then climbed back into bed.
His wife moved closer.
“So?”
“So what?”
“Did I pass?”
The husband thought for a moment.
Then smiled.
“No.”
Her eyes widened.
“No?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because if there really was a burglar…”
He paused dramatically.
“…I would’ve thrown the bat at him and run faster than you.”
The wife gasped.
“You wouldn’t!”
The husband nodded.
“I absolutely would.”
She smacked his arm.
He laughed.
Then wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
After a few moments she whispered:
“You really would protect me though, right?”
The husband kissed her forehead.
“Of course.”
“Even at two in the morning?”
“Even at two.”
“Even from burglars?”
“Even from burglars.”
She smiled.
Satisfied at last.
Then, just as he was drifting back to sleep, she whispered:
“Honey?”
He groaned.
“What now?”
“I think I heard footsteps again.”
The husband immediately threw the blanket over his head.
“Call the burglar and tell him to come back in the morning.”
